the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
