Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Me too!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
