Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
