I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
