so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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