That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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