last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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