I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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