the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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