After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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