We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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