Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
