Swine flu. Run for my life!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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