i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
