come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
