Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
