I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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