When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
