my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
