If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
