two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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