At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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