i don't like sucking hair
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
