i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
