You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
