I look better un-naked...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
