Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
