do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
