you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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