I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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