It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
