I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
