Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
