Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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