Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
