He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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