Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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