I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
