omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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