you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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