sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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