Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
