please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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