she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
