I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
