hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
