We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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