Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my being single is dangerous.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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