You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
