thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
