Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
