Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
