This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
